Kumbahyah
by Zevnen
Summary: The four rookie teams have been taken on a camping trip. The teachers hope to develop their students' skills, if they don't kill each other first...
1. Default Chapter

**Kumbahyah**

By _ShinobiWolf_

_I would have liked to have a little less dialogue in proportion to paragraphs, but I think it's all right for a first chapter. _

Chapter One: It Starts

"Naruto! Behind you!"

Sakura's warning gave the young gennin ample reaction time to counter the enemy ninja behind him. The rogue ninja dodged Naruto's kunai and back-flipped to the ground. He whipped out a handful of shuriken and was about to throw them, when one of Sasuke's own pierced his wrist and rendered his throwing hand useless.

Copy ninja Kakashi watched the scene from a distant tree limb. His young students were progressing with their skills nicely. _They'll have this mission wrapped up in no time._ He casually flipped open a copy of Make Out Paradise

xxxxx

Kakashi strode along as Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke were lagging behind. Actually, Naruto and Sakura showed the most fatigued, while Sasuke chose not to display his exhaustion as obviously.

Naruto's head perked up when he saw four familiar figures ahead of them on the road. "HEY KIBA!"

Sakura winced from the volume of Naruto's greeting. _His body may be tired, but his mouth sure isn't._

"Dude, you look whipped. Did you just come back from a mission?" As always, Kiba had Akamaru perched atop the hood of his coat.

"Yeah, a C-Rank. I got to take down a rogue ninja…"

"You look like you worked really hard, Naruto-kun…" Hinata nervously played with her fingers as she addressed her crush. A majority of the village despised the golden-haired boy. Hinata did not understand why others had to be so cruel to him for no reason.

_Yet still he continues to ignore the fact that Sasuke did most of the work…_ Kakashi sighed as Kurenai approached him.

"Are the plans still on for tomorrow?"

"Of course." The two teachers shared a knowing smirk.

xxxxx

Sakura cursed herself as she looked in the bathroom mirror. She may have had her beauty sleep, but her rose-colored hair sure as heck didn't look gorgeous. _Why in the world would Kakashi-sensei call us to train at this inhuman hour? By the time he gets there I could have gotten another couple of hours of sleep._ She lazily ran a brush through her hair and grabbed a quick breakfast on the way out.

It was like stepping into another world. The morning sun was just beginning to peek around the horizon, dusting every building in Konohagakure with soft yellow. Not even the birds had risen yet. Kakashi-sensei told the three of them to pack clothes and things, enough for a few days. Sakura eyed the heavy duffel bag resting on her hip. What could that flaky teacher possibly have up his sleeve this time?

She was further puzzled when she reached the training grounds.

All four rookie teams were present, each student with their own heavy bag of stuff. Sakura quickly found the rest of her team, and neither of them knew anymore about what was going on than she did. The other teams were milling about, their teachers not present. None of them knew what to expect that day.

Contrary to his usual sudden appearance, Kakashi was leisurely walking up the path to the training grounds, followed by the other three teachers.

The students were abuzz with questions.

"It's not an endurance run, is it?"

"We're learning a new special training exercise, aren't we, Gai-sensei!"

"Getting up this early was really troublesome…"

"Well, you're all partially right…" Kakashi scratched his chin.

"It's going to be really troublesome?" Kiba wondered.

"For you it will be…"

Kurenai knocked the silver-haired jounin upside the head. "Oh grow up, you numbskull."

"What my fellow colleagues are trying to say is, we're taking you-"

"ON A CAMPING TRIP!" Asuma was interrupted by Gai's spastic outburst. The crowd was elated, but Kakashi put an end to that.

"Oh yes, and you are all walking there. Four looong, excruciating miles…"

"Impossible! I can't carry all this luggage that far by myself!"

"Then you shouldn't have packed so much. Honestly, women are such a pain in the-"

"YOU'RE NO HELP!"

Shikamaru winced from Ino's loud shriek, then lazily lifted a finger to clear his now-deaf ear.

"DO NOT WORRY, GAI-SENSEI! I WILL NOT FAIL YOU!" Full of boundless energy as usual, Lee raced off. TenTen followed.

"Lee! Wait! The campsite is the other way!"

xxxxx

A few hours later, the aspiring ninja of Konohagakure were nearly finished with their journey. I am reminded of the movie scenes where a person is wandering exhausted and starved through a desert. The group was just done with lunch when Gai eagerly cried out from way ahead on the trail.

"Chins up, young ninja! The campsite is just over this next hill!

"That's what you said about the first hill! And the one after that, and the one after that, and the one after that!"

For once, no one silenced Naruto. Everyone was, for lack of a better word, _pooped_.

Gai was indeed telling the truth this time, much to the students' collective relief; most of them, anyway. Sasuke, Neji, and TenTen thought the walk was a good workout, but weren't nearly as expressive as Lee. The mini-me of Gai could have gone all day! Kiba could be seen whispering "thank-you, Lord!" over and over again.

Asuma pulled a clipboard out of his backpack and skimmed over the first page. "Okay teams, the tents only house two people, so we've split you into pairs using our MAD analytical skills…" Asuma had a brief flashback to their game of rock-paper-scissors. "The list reads as follows…"

Sakura and Ino blushed, each girl secretly hoping she would be paired with that dreamboat of a ninja, Uchiha Sasuke.

"As a safety precaution, each student will be paired with a member of the same sex."

"Drat…" Ino and Sakura whispered in unison, only heard by each other.

"You were hoping to get paired up with Sasuke-kun, weren't you? Geez Sakura, you're such a hussy."

"If I'm a hussy, I have no idea what to call you…"

"The first pair will be Naruto aaand…"

_Please not me… Anyone but me…_ Sasuke hoped. Fervently.

"And Lee! Naruto and Lee will be in tent one."

"Aww, crap."

"Isn't this great? We're roommates! We can stay up late and swap scary stories!" Lee swept up his new roommate into an inhumane bear hug. Naruto couldn't object, of course, he couldn't _breathe_ to begin with.

"In tent number two is Neji and Kiba."

_Great, it's my stupid cousin's teammate. Note the sarcasm._ Neji glared at Kiba.

_Stupid Neji. He purposely hurt Hinata in the Chuunin Selection Exam._ Kiba growled back.

"Tent number three, Chouji and Shikamaru."

"We didn't get split up, Shikamaru! This is great!"

"It sure is. We're probably the only tent that won't end up in disaster."

"Sasuke and Shino. Tent number four."

Sasuke glared.

Shino glared back. At least, I think he did… It's hard to tell anything with those sunglasses glued to his face.

"As far as girls go, Hinata and TenTen are in tent five while Sakura and Ino are in six."

Glares abounded, entirely on the last two girls' parts.

"But Sensei," TenTen questioned. "What about that big, luxurious tent off to the side?"

"Oh, that? That's our tent."

TenTen couldn't believe their teachers.

"After you get situated, a few of you will be picked to do the evening's chores."

All of the unpacking went fairly quickly, despite rampant dislike between roommates. Kurenai counted heads to make sure that everyone was present.

"We'll have to gather firewood and prepare food. Anyone not involved in these things will mosey about as they please. Naruto, Lee, and Shikamaru will gather firewood while the responsibility of dinner will be on Ino and Kiba's shoulders."

"This is such a pain in the butt." Shikamaru lagged behind the firewood-gathering group.

"Kurenai-sensei, Chouji is the best cook here. Why not have him help prepare dinner?"

Kurenai was about to answer, but Gai stepped in. "My good man, where is the challenge in that? The purpose of this trip is to train, spark new friendships, and learn new things! LEARN THE WAY OF THE CHEF, YOUNG WARRIOR! COOK TO YOUR BEATING HEART'S CONTENT!"

"Um, okay." Kiba and Ino casually gathered up what cooking implements and ingredients they thought they might need, and found a quiet place to brainstorm meal ideas until the firewood team got back. Gai said something about them being "anti-climatic."

"Soup is the easiest thing to make, so I guess we can make that."

Kiba unpacked a huge cook pot. "Have you ever made it before?"

"You throw a bunch of meat, vegetables, and noodles in a big pot of water and boil it. How hard can it be? We can at least get the stuff mixed together until we get a fire."

Kiba went down to the lake and half-filled the cook pot with water. He did not bother to make sure there was nothing "extra" in the water.

There's a lake at the campsite? Wow! I never noticed!

"Shouldn't we boil the water before we mix everything in?" Ino inquired.

"The germs will die off once we cook it; I know that much."

Ino opened a variety of canned vegetables and poured them into the water. "Now what do we do for the meat?"

Kiba held up a package of hot dogs and a rather suspicious-looking can. "Hot dogs, or spam?"

whine

"No, Akamaru, hot dogs aren't made from _real_ dogs."

"The spam will probably be all right."

Kiba then proceeded to cut the spam into little cubes and dump them into the pot.

whine, whine

"You can't have spam. You know it gives you gas."

_Okay, I didn't need to know that…_ "Hey Kiba." Ino pointed to something in the pot. "Is that lettuce?"

Kiba peered in. "Could be kelp. What's the difference? They're both green." Kiba scooped some of the concoction into a spoon and let Akamaru try it.

whine, bark

"It needs salt."

"Alright." Ino opened a canister of salt and started to carefully pour some in.

pop

The top of the canister came off, dumping _all_ of its contents into the pot.

"Uh oh…" Ino gasped.

"I'll add some sugar, maybe that will balance the taste." Kiba opened a bag of sugar and poured a bit into the soup. The bag of sugar burst as well. "Well, that should be enough."

Ino rolled her eyes and sighed. "Whatever. What does it smell like?"

Kiba cautiously sniffed the inedible mixture. He plugged his nose while his eyes watered madly. "It smells like about fifty different kinds of butt."

xxxxx

"Are you sure you know where we're going?" Shikamaru asked Naruto. _Why did I let him lead us again? Oh, yeah. It keeps him quiet._

"Shut up! I know where I'm going!"

_Somewhat quiet._

"If you're going to deny my greatness, then the least you can do is pull your own weight!"

Shikamaru unfolded his crossed arms showed Naruto a tiny, rather sickly-looking twig. He then turned around to watch a little bird flitting around in the trees.

"One log! Carry _one_ log and I'll be content!"

That bird was rather intriguing…

"HEY! PINEAPPLE-HEAD! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING!" Naruto chucked a decent-sized log at Shikamaru's head. Either he didn't sense it coming, or the chuunin just didn't bother to block it. It's difficult to tell. Whatever way you pick, Shikamaru got clocked on the head a good one. Rubbing his head, he decided that disagreeing with Naruto further would only be more troublesome. He picked up the incriminating log and followed a ways behind the other two.

"Are you sure you can carry all that? It looks like you can't see…" Naruto eyed the expansive load of logs Lee had amassed on his arms.

"Fear not, dear roommate. This is only a test of my ninja skills! If I cannot carry this stack, then I will carry one twice as high!" Eager to finish the chore in record time, Lee began to run.

He did not get far. Lee collided with a tree and was knocked to the ground, with a few of the logs landing on his head in the process. And since Naruto was in the general vicinity, he got nailed on the head with a log as well.

"YOU! FOUL CREATURE! HOW DARE YOU KNOCK DOWN A PROUD NINJA OF KONOHAGAKURE!"

"Um, Lee, that's a tree." Shikamaru caught up to them.

"Oh, I see. I mean, I don't. It's really dark out here…"

Naruto pondered in a thinking position. "How long do you think we've been out here?"

"_You_ tell us, Leader-Boy. And while you're at it, tell us where we are."

"WE'RE LOST! OH MERCIFUL HEAVEN! THE COYOTES WILL EAT OUR HEADS!"

"Oh, look, I see my tent." Shikamaru carried his lone log and twig back to the campsite. Lee gathered up all of the logs he dropped before announcing the trio's arrival to all the world.

The "soup" was now cooking, and giving off a rather strange scent. Maybe it tasted better than it smelled? Or looked, for that matter? Once it seemed to be done, Kiba and Ino served everyone up. They nodded to each other, proud of their teamwork.

Everyone just stared at their bowls. Kakashi fished his spoon around in his bowl and withdrew a long, slimy piece of kelp. "Here Gai, you can try it."


	2. The First Night

**Kumbahyah**

By _ShinobiWolf_

_A big thank-you to **Dragon Man 180** for contributing an idea._

Chapter Two: The First Night

10:20PM

It had just been lights out, but the young ninja were nowhere near a sleeping state.

Sakura and Ino were getting along about as well as a couple of provoked cats.

"Hey, move your big fat butt over. You're taking up too much space!" Ino ordered.

"Make me!"

Many insults to each other's girlish figures were hurled, until Sakura withdrew a marker from her duffel bag. She made a quick observation of the square surface area of the floor of the tent, and drew a long line right down the middle. Oh my stars! I hope that marker isn't permanent, that tent isn't hers…

"Our little spats are fun, but I could really use some sleep. Will this temporary truce do for now?"

Ino eyed Sakura's outstretch hand for a moment before shaking it, a glint in her bright blue eyes that Sakura failed to see.

"Sure."

10:58PM

Neji yawned as he zipped the tent flap shut. Ignoring the jounins' orders, he had done a little extra training after lights out. He untied his forehead protector and tucked it securely into his bag, but left the bandages on (even in his sleep, he was self-conscious). Neji wrinkled his nose at his tent-mate, who was sound asleep as well as tangled in his sleeping bag.

_How revolting… He drools in his sleep. _And how could Neji _not_ notice that Kiba's sleeping bag was covered with pictures of bones, paw prints, and other assortments of dog-themed items. Neji wrapped himself snuggly into his own plain sleeping bag. _I don't care how much he acts like a dog, just so long as he doesn't start to kick in his sleep._

Neji felt a light tap on his leg.

_This is going to be a _very_ long night…_

11:05PM

"So my dearest roommate, what frightful story should I tell next?"

"Lee, none of your stories are scary…"

"Oh, but you haven't even heard the one about a guy that was locked in his bathroom and was forced to eat his own FEET!"

"I'm going to sleep now."

"Oh, very well."

A long while had passed in complete silence, and Naruto had just drifted off to sleep.

"Hey Naruto. Are you still awake?"

"Now I am…"

"I've always wondered." Lee thought to himself.

"Hm?" Naruto rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

"Why does jello jiggle?"

"Okay, I'm going to bed for real this time."

"I've always been quite partial to green jello…"

11:40PM

Neji started awake when something hit him in the side. He whipped out a kunai and sat up straight, ready for any threat. He was hit again, and turned to lunge at his attacker.

The only other person in the tent was Kiba; sound asleep.

Neji glared at his tent-mate, sleeplessness abounding in his white eyes.

_I command you to stop._

Kiba's leg twitched then flailed out again.

That had been enough; Neji needed his sleep. He activated his Byakkugan and Gentle Fisted both of Kiba's legs. The canine boy immediately stopped twitching and rested peacefully. Neji yawned again and went back to sleep.

1:00AM

A loud crash in the surrounding forest made Shikamaru open one of his eyes. It sounded a tad bit suspicious, but his sleeping bag was far too warm and snuggly. Yes, far too warm and snuggly. It would be a pain to get up and leave this warm little cocoon of a blanket. He would check it out in the morning…

2:01AM

_It was a bright, warm, sunny day at the Uchiha residence. The birds were singing and the grass felt cool under Sasuke's bare feet._

_"Sasuke, hon, come in before your lunch gets cold!"_

_Little Sasuke ran to the doorway, where his mom was standing._

_"I made your favorite. Tomatoes and rice balls, with bonito flake filling!" She kissed her son on the forehead._

_…Since when did his mother have hairy lips?_

Something crawling all over Sasuke's face woke him up from his peaceful dream. Midnight eyes opened to meet tiny, black, beady ones. All eight of them.

Sasuke squeaked and flung the huge tarantula off of his face. Shino woke up just in time to see his dear pet fly across the tent.

"Heather only wanted to cuddle. Now you've hurt her feelings."

Sasuke sat there and gawked as Shino scooped up "Heather" and held the tarantula close, stroking its hairy tarantula body.

"Did he hurt you, Baby? Don't worry, Daddy will protect you from that mean Uchiha prodigy." Shino tucked "Heather" into his sleeping bag and went back to sleep.

_Great, I get the freakiest one of the bunch. _Sasuke was too tired to deal with Shino's bug fetish right then, so he also went back to sleep. And zipped his sleeping bag shut over his head.

2:39AM

Ino snuck into the campsite's storage shed and grabbed some spray cleaner and a sponge. Positive that Sakura was sound asleep, she scrubbed off the dividing line in their tent and drew a new one, giving herself much more space.

"You _did_ say the truce was temporary, in so many words…"

3:16AM

Tent three was starting to get awful chilly. Shikamaru wrapped the covers tighter around himself.

_Dang those teachers, putting us in these drafty tents._

A sudden breeze blew over Shikamaru's head.

_Great, someone had the nerve to open the door and leave it that way. Sleeping in a tent really is a big pain in the butt._

He tried to make himself warmer, but Shikamaru eventually just gave up and groaned. He took his time uncovering himself and sat up. Sure enough the door was open, and a huge, hulking figure was crouching in the space. The figure didn't say anything; it just sort of… sat there.

"Asuma-sensei, I don't mean to be rude, but could you please quit _staring_ at us and just zip the tent back up?"

"Asuma" let out a loud, fearsome roar, bombarding Shikamaru with the worst possible bad breath that anyone could have. He also had large, sharp teeth, big, black claws, and was covered in long, brown fur.

A moment later we see Shikamaru and Chouji running, screaming, through the campsite faster than anyone would think possible for either of them. Everyone else heard the commotion and tiredly came forth from their tents to see what was going on.

Something occurred to Chouji, then he started to run back the other way.

"Wait, Chouji! Where are you going!" Shikamaru frantically called after his best friend.

"My snacks are still in our tent! I have to do as any other honorable shinobi in my family would do and protect them!"

Shikamaru understood how the Akamichis felt about food, so he stood back and let Chouji handle it. Everyone else tiredly watched the pleasantly plump ninja duke it out with the grizzly bear. It was still three in the morning, you sillies! Imagine everyone with Shikamaru expressions…

In the end Chouji came out unscathed, but the grizzly did manage to snag a bag of cookies.

No one answered when Kiba called out from Neji's and his tent. "Hey, what's going on out there? My legs won't seem to move!"


End file.
